Memory
by The Dark Shark
Summary: ONE EVENT, THREE VIEWPOINTS One bullet. That's all it was going to take. If she had known what would happen, Suze wished she hadn't made Paul angry, because the consequence ain't pretty. COMPLETE!
1. Susannah

_This is the longer version of my story which I entered in the MCBC "Heartbreak" competition, so there's appearances by Paul and Jesse and more explanations. Hope it's okay!_

_**Disclaimer:** If I own all of the characters mentioned below, do you think I'll be writing fan fictions instead of the real thing? Of course not. They belong to Meg Cabot._

* * *

"I'm sorry, Paul, not today." I said, walking faster across the parking lot. I could feel him smirking at me as he followed me from behind. 

"And why not?" he asked, somehow sounding curious and at the same time like he couldn't care less.

To tell you the truth, I didn't have any legitimate reasons on why I didn't want to have the shifter lesson today. Well, okay, so my reason was I was getting annoyed that all those trips made to his house didn't actually teach me anything other than how to resist the charms of hot blue-eyed shifters – and his lips – without messing my makeup.

And I was getting tired of being looked at as a toy to be played with. If these lessons didn't guarantee the safety of the love of my life, there's no way I would have agreed to it in the first place. But enough is enough.

"I'm not feeling too well," I lied, feeling my forehead at the same time while continuing to walk to Sleepy's car. I dropped my hand, then felt it being pulled – quite roughly might I add – by the said blue-eyed shifter.

"You look fine to me today, Suze. And you look fine now. Don't tell me you're resorting to making lame excuses to not having the lessons because you know what would happen if I'm unhappy." He was smiling, but the look in his eyes told me that he wasn't kidding.

I wanted nothing more than to lay one on his face – a punch, not a kiss obviously – but reminding myself of the possible consequence, I restrained myself and instead said, "I'm not making lame excuses. I really am not feeling well, like my head is gonna explode."

Okay, I might exaggerate there a little, but I wanted to get away from him and his grip on my arm and Sleepy was already hitting on the car horn.

Paul stared at me. "Do you think I'm stupid, Suze? This is the third time you've bailed out on me and each time you said because you're not feeling well. And yet you go around claiming that you're so tough. Well, that's a whole lot of bull!" He spat – not literally of course – while suddenly looking mad. I felt dread creeping up on me and thought maybe I should have been nicer when rejecting him.

"If you don't want to go to the lessons, fine. I'm not going to force you anymore because it's obvious that you have no desire to learn all the great things that shifters can do." He gripped my arm tighter, making me fear that I would be left with a bruise no amount of makeup can cover.

"But if you're gonna have it your way, I'll have it mine too. When all is done, don't say I didn't warn you." He let go of my arm and started walking away.

I panicked, suddenly realising what he meant. I shouted after him, "You leave Jesse alone! I swear, if you try to exorcise him again, I'm gonna…," I trailed off, not sure what I could do to Paul Slater that would actually scare him instead of amuse him.

He laughed bitterly, then turned to face me. "Oh no, Suze, I'm not going to exorcise him. In fact I'm not going to hurt him at all. You might even say that it would actually be what he had wanted all along." He smiled mysteriously before turning again to walk to his car.

I stared after him, thinking of what he just said. It would be what Jesse had wanted? What was that? The only thing he could actually want is…

Oh my God. Paul can't mean that. He can't. Because that would mean that Jesse would be…

Alive.

I stood there in shock before Dopey's shouts of my name freed me from my daze. I ran to the car and sat down quickly. My heart was pounding so hard, my ears are buzzing and my face felt strangely hot. I was so focused on deciphering Paul's message that I didn't even made a comeback to Dopey's line about me and Paul doing something which, had the novices at school heard him, would have caused them heart attacks.

-0-0-0-

After dinner, I ran back to my room to think some more. Paul couldn't have meant that he would bring Jesse to life, did he? Because that would leave him with zero percent of me ever being with him. Paul, I mean. I'm already with Jesse, or I'd like to think I am, since it's a little complicated, him being dead and all.

But what else could Paul meant? What else does Jesse want? I couldn't think of anything else that Jesse might want except maybe granting a new ear for Spike to replace the deformed one.

I shut my bedroom door, still thinking deeply that I didn't realise that someone was sitting at the window seat. That is, until that someone said, "Hello Susannah."

I looked up in surprise. "Jesse? What are you doing here?" I said, unfortunately sounding more surprised and less grateful then I felt. The thing is, Jesse hasn't been to my room since he moved to the rectory a few months ago. Whenever we want to see each other, it's me who always go to the rectory to visit him. Not the other way around.

He stood up, smiling his perfect white teeth. "Can't I pay a visit to my _querida_?"

I grinned at him, while trying to form a coherent thought in my head. It's kinda hard though, when he's walking towards me and his dark eyes are looking into mine, making me feel like the most special girl in the world. I even forgot about Paul and his cryptic lines.

"Of course you can," I managed to whisper, before he leaned down and kissed me. I pulled him closer, and all my worries disappear as he held me in his arms. After a while, we pulled back and looked at each other.

Jesse was smiling, and he grazed my face with the back of his fingers, like he has done so many times before. "I have to go. Father Dominic will notice that I'm missing."

"Must you? Can't you stay a little longer?" I pretended to pout. He laughed and kissed my forehead. "Good night, Susannah."

"Good night, Jesse," I said and we kissed good night. He dematerialized, leaving me dazed and happy. What was that about? Did he just come to visit me so that we could make out? We didn't even have a conversation!

Whatever the reason, I don't care. As I snuggled in my bedcovers that night, the only thing in my mind was Jesse and I fell asleep, still smiling.

-0-0-0-

I woke up that morning feeling weird. Yet I couldn't put a finger on it, so I just got out of bed and went to the bathroom. It was a Saturday, and I had planned to go to the beach with Cee Cee later. Suddenly, I remembered the night before, with Jesse's visit still fresh in my mind and instantly I felt happier.

After getting dressed, I went to my bedside drawer and pulled it open. In there lay something very precious to me – Jesse's miniature. He didn't even know I had it and the only other people who do were Jack Slater (yeah, Paul's lil bro and mediator as well), because he gave it to me; my youngest stepbrother Doc, because he accidentally saw it while I was cleaning my drawer, and Cee Cee, because I wanted to show her how Jesse looked like.

And she had said that he's beyond hot. With his dark eyes and crisp hair and perfect face, I couldn't agree more.

I felt around the drawer as I usually pushed the painting way behind the other stuff in there. But strangely, it wasn't there. I rummaged around; pulling out some stuff but my search was futile. Panicking, I dumped the contents of the drawer on my bed and searched again. It still wasn't there. The miniature was missing.

Telling myself to calm down, I quickly walked to Doc's room and frantically knocked on it. He opened the door, looking at me curiously.

"Did you take Jesse's miniature?" I asked in a whisper. I didn't exactly want my whole family to know about my dead boyfriend.

"Jesse?" Doc said in a politely interested voice. "Is he your friend?"

Feeling incredulous, I replied, "Well, yes. You know that. Did you take his miniature, the one you saw last week?"

"I haven't seen any miniatures. But I have read about them, they are what you call small paintings..."

I interrupted his speech, "It's okay, never mind, thanks anyway." I hurried back to my room. I picked up the phone and started dialing Cee Cee's number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Cee Cee, it's me. I was wondering if you accidentally took the miniature I showed you on Thursday? Because I can't find it."

"Miniature? You have a miniature of yourself? Cool! But you've never shown me."

I started to feel anxious. "No, Cee Cee, it's a miniature of Jesse. You know, the guy I'm kind of seeing." And the guy she suspected was a ghost, but I will never reveal that her suspicion is so true.

"What? You're seeing someone? How come you've never told me before?" She exclaimed, sounding excited. "Where is he from?"

"I did tell you, Cee Cee!" I said, my voice starting to rise. "Just last week. I showed you the mini painting and you said he was hot!" How could she not remember? I can't lose that painting. It's not even mine!

"But…" Cee Cee sounded confused. "If you did, I would have remembered, Suze. It's not everyday you tell me about your love life. Especially if you showed me his picture. But I've never heard you mention anyone named Jesse before."

I sat down heavily on my bed. Crazy thoughts were running through my head, like maybe Cee Cee took the picture to keep for herself since she admitted that she liked the look of Jesse. I ask you, who wouldn't? But that seems stupid and I know however hot another guy is, she wouldn't care much because she already like Adam, who seriously doesn't have a clue that she does.

Maybe it's not that she forgot, said a little voice in my head. Maybe you never did show her the miniature. Because it doesn't exist. Because Jesse doesn't exist.

It's not the painting. It's Jesse. Oh God.

I realised that Cee Cee was saying something, but I just said, "I gotta go, Cee Cee. Bye." before hanging up.

Maybe it's all a mistake. Yeah, it is. I'll just go to the rectory and find him then. Okay, I'll do that.

-0-0-0-

When I arrived at the rectory I saw many tourists milling around the Academy, so I couldn't throw stones at the window of Jesse's room. Instead, I try calling him. First mentally, and when he didn't appear, I called his name out loud.

"Susannah." I whirled around, expecting to see him. But I was met by a puzzled look from Father Dominic, who was standing near the Juniperro Serra statue. "What are you doing?"

I was torn between thinking up a lie and telling the truth, but decided to just come out and say it. "I'm looking for Jesse. Is he here?"

"Who?" Father D looked even more puzzled. I felt my heart beating fast again, and my neck started to felt prickly.

"Jesse. You know. The ghost who was haunting my bedroom. He moved to the rectory because you said…" I trailed off as Father D walked towards me, suddenly looking stern.

"What is this ghost you speak of, Susannah? Why haven't you mentioned him before?"

"But I did!" I cried, starting to feel hysterical. "You've met him! You've talked to him! He's your confessor, for God's sake! And he had saved my life so many times! How could you not know?"

"Susannah, do not use the Lord's name in vain. And I would not lie to you, not only because it's a sin, but because I have no reason to. I have not met this Jesse person. And I do not receive confessions from ghosts." He fixed his blue eyes on mine, then soften his tone. "Maybe you've made a mistake."

I shook my head while simultaneously walking backwards. No. No, no, no.

NO, I did not make a mistake! How could everyone forget him? How could I be the only one who remembers? I turned and ran to the cemetery, ignoring Father D calling me to stop.

I pushed the cemetery gate open and ran down the path that I've walked so many times. Except there was no path, just grass growing like it would at other places. I ignored this and kept running down until it reached the end, where it would be.

Jesse's tombstone. The one Father D and I helped to carve the writing on it.

I stopped, so suddenly that I nearly fell on my face and cracked my head hitting the headstone. But if I had fallen, I would have been safe because there wasn't any headstone to fell on to. There was no headstone at all.

I stared at the empty spot in disbelief. Distant thunder clapped in the distance. Somehow, in the back of my mind I knew that it was going to rain soon and I should get back inside, but at the moment all I could think about was the fact that Jesse's tombstone was missing. Which meant that his grave was missing.

And if his grave was missing, that means his body was missing. So if his body was missing, that means either it hasn't been dug up yet from my back yard, or…that there wasn't any bodies to bury. Which means that he didn't…

Oh no.

Rain started to fall, but somehow I couldn't feel it. I stood there, even when the rain poured down and I was drenched from head to toe. It felt like I stood there for an eternity, before I fell down to my knees and started crying, covering my face with my hands. I couldn't even tell which were tears and which were rain drops because I was soaked right to my skin, but all I knew was that I cried my eyes out because I finally realised the inevitable.

Jesse was gone.

I don't know how, or why, whether he had moved on or whether Paul had something to do with this but all I know is Jesse was gone. Along with everyone else's memory of him. Except mine.

I sat there numbly as I remembered the night before. Maybe Jesse felt something to have visited me so suddenly…maybe he felt that he would no longer be here on this earth. All I knew is that last night was perfect, because no words were needed to say how we felt. We just knew.

The rain kept falling, and so did my tears.

-0-0-0-

I found out later that Paul had went back in time and prevented Jesse's death, altogether erasing the fact that he ever existed in my time. He did it using some things he learnt from his grandfather, who expressly told him not to. And Paul being Paul, of course he did what he wanted anyway. He's used to getting what he wants.

And what he wanted was Jesse to live in the past and by not ending up as a ghost, would not have fallen in love with me. The way he wanted me to not fall in love with Jesse.

But his plan backfired. He had hoped that I would forget about Jesse like everyone else when he disappeared, but apparently shifters remember events that happened, even if technically they didn't happen according to everyone else. So even mediators like Father D and Jack didn't remember Jesse but Paul and I do.

Paul wasn't too happy about that, especially after I punched him in the gut – that is, after forcing him to tell me what he did. He couldn't fight back as he was still weak from the time travels. So I found out about him messing up with time.

But I couldn't reverse what he had done because Dr. Slaski said going back in time would probably kill me, someone who has no clue about shifting powers. And I believed him.

As for Paul, it turned out that the back to the past trip was too much for someone who uses too much power too soon, like him. He fell sick and moved back to Seattle to get a treatment. As if there are any doctors that can cure sickness caused by a spiritual disease. Maybe he'll end up on a wheelchair like his grandfather. I hope he does.

Because as much as I'm happy that Jesse has lived, I still couldn't forgive Paul for doing what he did. He took my love away from me.

Yet now, I've lost all reasons to be hateful. I only wished the happiness for Jesse. I couldn't bring myself to check the history books and find out what he did in his life, but I'm sure whatever he did, it would have made a change in the lives of all those who knew him.

Because he sure changed mine.

The tears still fall sometimes. But I held on to the only thing that is left of Jesse,the first and only love I would ever have.

My memory of him.


	2. Jesse

_This story was supposed to be a one-shot, but it bugged the heck out of me not knowing what happens to Jesse after the event in Chapter 1. So I decided to continue. The familiar scenes are those I repeated, but from Jesse's point of view. This is Jesse's story._

_P.S. I dedicate this chapter to all loyal Arsenal fans. If you read on, you'll find out why ;-)_

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters except those that are unfamiliar. The rest belongs to Meg Cabot._

* * *

"Thank you, Jesse," said Father Dominic as he took the box from me and placed it on his desk. 

"Happy to help, Father," I replied.

"I'm just glad that no one saw a box floating on its own to my office, or there would have to be explanations I am not willing to give." He started opening the box of old books donated by some company or organization – I'm not really familiar with all these – then looked at me as I stood there.

"You can go now, Jesse. I will give you the books that you wanted after dinner. Thanks again for your help." He returned to rummage around his box again.

I turned and opened the door, then walked out of the office on my way to the rectory.

I know it is funny for a ghost to be walking around like a normal person when we could have just materialized to anywhere we like. And that's what I used to do. But it all changed when I met Susannah.

I strolled along the school corridor which was dark save for the light from the setting sun. The Mission was deserted because the students have gone back home and the people who lived there were preparing dinner at the rectory. Another thing that I don't need anymore. Dinner.

The truth is there were many things I didn't need to do. I have accepted that I was a ghost and that I was condemned to living alone until I figure out the reason I was still on this earth – and move on. It would have been easier if I _had_ known the reason I hadn't move on.

Then I met her. The most infuriating, stubborn, hard-headed, kindest, beautiful young lady – although she prefers to call herself a girl – who became the first person I've ever spoken to in more than a century. At first all I wanted was companionship, and to help her whenever she needed any help although she was adamant that she does not need any. It was funny, at first I didn't realize that I was starting to care for her more than a ghost should care for a living. Then she saved me from Purgatory.

And that's when I realized I was in love with her.

As time passed by, and I accepted that I was in love Susannah, I didn't want to know the reason I was still 'hanging around' – to use her words. Because this is the place I wanted to be. On this earth, with her by my side.

_Esto es muy complicado._

Because how could a ghost be with someone who is alive? Especially someone as amazing as Susannah, whose list of admirers was endless. When that _bastardo_ Slater appeared and showed interest in her, I was resigned to the fact that she could be with someone better, who can make her happy and give her things that I could not.

However, being the unpredictable young lady that she is, she told me she didn't care about any of that. And when we kissed at the graveyard, I felt as if I was _alive_.

After that I had to move to the rectory, but it didn't matter. I still see her when she comes to visit me. The good Father was not happy with our – I guess you could say relationship, a complicated one; but he didn't try to talk us into ending it.

I stopped at the fountain, looking at the churning water. The wind blew softly, and the air was peaceful. I took a breath, just for the pleasure of doing something that was a necessity had I been alive. Now I don't need to, but I've been doing things the way a living person would, just to feel like I was alive. Because being with Susannah intensifies my desire to be alive even more, sometimes that it is even painful.

I continued my way to the rectory, then abruptly stopped. Suddenly I felt like meeting my _querida_, even though I have never been to her room since I've moved. I wondered if she would be surprised, and I smiled. I don't think she would mind a surprise. So I set off to her house.

By materializing, of course. There are advantages to being a ghost that I don't mind.

-0-0-0-

When I materialized in her room, she wasn't there. She must be having dinner. I sat down at the window seat and looked around. I haven't been here a while, but nothing has changed. Still the same room that I had haunted for a long time, changing occupants so many times that I had lost count and stopped caring, before it became Susannah's room.

Suddenly the door opened, and in walked Susannah, who was looking down as if absorbed in her thoughts. She looked as radiant as ever, her soft hair curling down her back as she closed the bedroom door, still looking down.

"Hello, Susannah," I said, barely able to contain a smile.

She looked up, startled. "Jesse? What are you doing here?" She sounded like I had never been in the room before. Then again, the last time I was there was several months ago.

I stood up, now fully smiling at her. "Can't I pay a visit to my _querida_?" I said, then slowly walked towards her.

She seemed to have gotten over her surprise and beamed at me, her vivid green eyes pulling me in and making me feel lost in them. I reached for her, and before I tilted her chin up and gave her a kiss, I heard her whisper, "Of course you can."

As I held her in my arms, nothing mattered. Not the fact that I was a ghost, that one day I might move on from this existence, that Susannah's family couldn't see me. All I felt was joy from being with the one I love.

We pulled apart, and I gazed into her eyes, smiling. She was smiling too, and I touched her face, soft as silk.

I realized that Father Dominic might be looking for me to give me the books that I had asked for, and I knew I had to go before he realized that I was missing and ask me where I've been. And as I could not lie to him, I knew that he would not be happy that I had gone to visit Susannah.

Reluctantly, I said, "I have to go. Father Dominic will notice that I'm missing."

She pretended to look angry. "Must you? Can't you stay a little longer?" Then she sulked, but I knew it was just pretend so I laughed. She broke into a smile and I kissed her forehead.

"Good night, Susannah."

"Good night, Jesse," she said softly, then we kissed good night before I dematerialized, the last thing I saw being her lovely eyes.

I materialized back in my room in the rectory, feeling elated. I walked to the table where I put all the books I had borrowed from Father Dominic when suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my head. I stopped and grasp my head, bending down in pain.

_Oh mi Dios!_ The feeling was so intense that I felt like I might explode. Suddenly I felt like I was being chocked by someone, but when I grabbed at my neck I felt nothing.

The pain was unbearable, and I was vaguely aware that I was falling to the floor, but before I reached it, everything turned dark and I knew no more.

-0-0-0-

I woke up to a pressure to my neck so tight that it felt as if it was being cut with a knife. It took a moment for me to adjust my eyes to the surroundings, but when I managed to focus, I saw that it was none other than that bastard Felix Diego. He was pulling on a rope that was wrapped around my neck, his ugly face hovering over mine, grinning maliciously. I choked and struggled to breathe, trying to pull off the rope.

Just as I thought that my life was over, I heard the door burst open, and a group of men stormed in. That took Diego by surprise, and I felt the rope loosened.

"Put your hands up!" A man's voice shouted at Diego, a gun pointed at his chest. The rest of the men spread around the room and surrounded him, each pointing a gun towards Diego.

He stepped back and put his hands up, while I pulled the rope from my neck and tossed it away, coughing. I try to sit up but I felt dizzy, and I heard someone asked me to lie down and let the doctor looked at my condition. I complied, feeling blood rushing to my head, my heart beating fast and I felt out of breath. Even after a few minutes, I still felt a little difficulty in breathing, like I haven't taken a breath in a long time. But I felt better when I saw Diego being taken away by the police, shouting and swearing along the way.

A policeman came up to me. "Hector De Silva?"

I nodded, trying to swallow.

"I'm Detective Fabregas. You were lucky we arrived here in time. Had we been late a few more minutes you probably would not have survived."

I sat up on the bed slowly, being helped by the doctor. I still felt pain around my neck, but I managed to croak, "Thank you. But how did you know that he was here?"

"We received a tip from a young man who says he saw a suspicious man following you from the town to here. From the description, we knew it was Felix Diego and we didn't take any chances."

I nodded, taking it all in. Then I looked back at him. "Who was the young man?"

He flipped through his notebook. "His name is Paul Slater, and he said he was staying in town with a friend for a while. Actually, he's right outside. Do you want me to get him?"

"Sure. I need to thank him." And I stood up, waiting for the detective to bring in the man. I looked around the room of the boarding house, trying to collect my thoughts, then looked out the window towards the sea. Felix Diego had just tried to kill me. And I'm pretty sure I know the reason why. I'm just not clear on what I should do next.

"Mr. De Silva."

I turned, and saw a young man, no, a boy, standing at the door. He was clearly young, in his teen years but his manner and expression on his face seems to belie his age. He was smiling, but there's something in his smile that made me hesitate.

I shook off my thoughts and walked over to him, extending my hand. "Thank you, Mr. Slater. You saved my life. I didn't realize that Diego was following me. If you haven't care enough to make a report, I would not be standing here right now."

Up close, I could see that he had dark curly hair with gold strands in between, and icy blue eyes that seemed to pierce my very soul. He shook my hand and I felt that it was freezing.

He stared right at me and without faltering his smile, said, "I don't know about you not standing here…but it was no problem at all. I was just being a good citizen." He let go of my hand, and I felt warmth coursing down my arms again.

I didn't know why, but something tells me that this boy could not be trusted. There was something in his eyes and in his smile that unnerved me. But that was ridiculous. I had just met him, and he had saved my life. I should be thankful.

So I just smiled and said, "Well, I'm glad you were there. Thank you again. I don't know how to repay you…"

"Oh no, that is quite alright." He cut me off, smiling even more. "In fact I should be the one thanking you."

I must have looked puzzled since he added, "I'm pretty sure I will get the just rewards for my help in the capture of a dangerous criminal. And that is enough." I might be mistaken, but I felt like he was smirking at me, like he was making fun of my situation.

"Well," I said again, feeling a little confused. "I do hope they will reward you. I heard you are visiting your friend, how long are you staying here?"

He walked over to the window and looked out the view of the night sky sprinkled with stars. "Not long. In fact, I might be leaving tonight, since I have finished what I came here to do." He paused, the turned towards me, a glint in his eyes. "I have someone waiting for me back home."

I stared at him, wondering what he meant and why I even cared. But before I could dwell on it, his words hit me hard. Waiting for me…Maria. I'm was supposed to be on my way to a wedding with a woman I do not love for the sake of family, but after knowing about Maria's tryst with Diego, I intended to end our engagement. It would not surprise me if Maria had a hand in what happened today. She is a very proud woman, and rejection is not something she takes lightly.

He must have seen my discomfort, since he came over to me and said in a serious voice, "Look, I don't really know you…that well. I only know what I heard from other people and from the impressions that I get. But you seem like a nice guy, and…" He paused, as if thinking whether he should continue.

When I didn't say anything, he said, "I would think that you should be with a woman you love. I don't know if you will find her in this time…but I guess you deserve to be happy. I mean, you are stuck in this situation and I don't imagine that being nice at all. Why not find a way out?"

I just stared at him, speechless. What is he talking about? What does he mean? _Nombre de Dios._ This boy is crazy. Yet it disturbed me that he seemed to know things about me that he shouldn't have known.

"I…"I trailed off, not sure what to say. He smiled again, then shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I must have confused you. I should get going if I'm planning to leave soon." He headed towards the door.

"Just think about what I said." He turned to look at me one last time, and smiled that cold, knowing smile again. "Jesse."

Then he left, leaving me standing there. It was a while before I realized that he had called me by a name that only my family has called me, and no one else.

-0-0-0-

I arrived at Maria's parents' house two days later with the intention to inform her parents of the end of our engagement. When I asked Maria for the ring and my letters back, she didn't give it to me, so I have brought her letters in exchange for mine. She has yet to tell her parents about the cancelled wedding, and I dread having to face them. It was already evening when I reached the manor where Maria was staying with her parents.

But I was surprised to see that no elaborate preparations have been made for our supposed wedding. The house was devoid of tents and decorations that would indicate a wedding would take place.

I mounted off my horse and walked up to the front door. But before I reached it, the door was opened and Maria's mother, Elena, stood there. Her eyes were red as if she had been crying.

"Hector," She spoke softly. "Come in."

I walked in the huge house, feeling a little troubled. There's a peculiar sense that everything was not the way it should be, that I should be somewhere else. Perhaps Diego's attempt on my life has somehow damaged me. I fear for my sanity.

She ushered me to the living room, where her husband was sitting. He stood up when he saw me, looking furious. "Hector. Is it true you break off your engagement with Maria?"

I started to sweat and looked at both of them, thinking that this was not going to be easy. "Yes. I ended our engagement."

"Why? Was she not good enough for you?" His voice rose.

"Ricardo," Elena said as if to reprove.

"No, that was not the reason why I ended it." I sighed. "I did it because I heard she was being courted by Felix Diego, and I was not happy. I did not want to be with a woman who sees another man behind her husband. I am sorry that I didn't inform you sooner, but I did converse with Maria. I assume she told you about this?"

Ricardo sat down heavily on the sofa, suddenly looking tired. Elena spoke up. "No, she didn't tell us, Hector. She…she left a letter." She went to a small table near the corner of the room and took a piece of paper. "We only found it this morning."

I took the letter and read it. In it, Maria said that I had break off the engagement with her, and not able to face the shame of the family, she decided to run away and live in another place. She made everything sounds like it was my fault and that she was a victim. I could not believe she could be so treacherous.

I looked up. "Is this true? Is she gone?" It seemed unlikely to me that she would run away and leave all the wealth and comfort that she was used to. Unless someone had persuaded her to do it.

Elena sniffed, glancing at her husband. "Yes, she is gone. She was here last night, but this morning she wasn't in her bed. We called the police, but they couldn't find her either. And when we found the letter in her room, we decided there was no point in going ahead with the wedding. So we cancelled all the plans."

"Do you know where she is?" Ricardo asked, looking hard at me. But I noticed there was also some sadness and weariness in his eyes. He had after all, lost his only daughter, who is also his only child.

I sat down on the living room settee, shaking my head. "No, I do not know. But I am guessing that Felix Diego might have something to do with her disappearance."

What I did not mention was that Diego was taken into custody two days ago. I wonder if he escaped from prison. And to think Maria would choose to be with a slave-runner and a criminal. I do not doubt that she had ordered him to kill me, and seeing that he had failed to do so, decided to run before she also was taken into custody.

"_Ese hijo inútil de a..._"cursed Maria's father before being interrupted by his wife. "Ricardo! _¡Lengua!_" Then she looked at me. "We're sorry. It's just that this is so unlike Maria. We are very upset, and worried. That Felix Diego is not a good man."

"Damn right, he's not!" bellowed Ricardo. "And if I should ever see him, I assure you he would get a piece of my mind, and if he ever hurt my daughter, he would wish he had never laid eyes on her when I'm done with him."

I did not doubt that he would make good of that threat, angry as he was. But I felt compelled to say something. "I do not think he would hurt Maria. I think that…as hard as it is to believe, I think that they love each other. And she believes that she can be happy with him, which is why she left this house. I do not think she left solely because I refused to marry her."

Both of them fell silent, perhaps thinking about what I just said. Then Elena said, "Well, maybe you're right Hector. But there's nothing we can do now. Maria had made her choice, and however wrong we think it is, we do want her to be happy. I just wish she could have said goodbye before leaving…" She stopped and wiped at her eyes.

"She knew if she told us we won't let her leave, Elena." Ricardo held his wife's hand, then looked at me. "I'm sorry for accusing you, Hector, I was not thinking straight. You are a good man, and do not deserve to be treated this way. You and Maria were just not meant to be, and one day you'll find the right woman for you to love."

"Would you like to stay for dinner, Hector?" Elena suddenly asked.

"It is alright, I should be leaving." I said, getting up. I felt like I had enough of this place. I feel sorry for Maria's parents, and I loathed her for causing them so much pain.

Before I left, I gave them Maria's letters and the ring. Elena looked as if she might cry again, but Ricardo just accepted it and thanked me. He said he will send my letters once they've found it. I brushed off the offer, saying it wasn't important. And it was not. That was a part in my life that I would rather forget.

As I trudged off on my horse, I recalled Ricardo's words about finding a woman whom I can love. It was resonant of what that boy Slater had said to me. It was a little unsettling. And what was even worse, I had a feeling that I would never find that woman.

-0-0-0-

Felix Diego was released on bail by an unknown man the day after he was arrested, most likely hired by Maria who used her own money to get him out. Of course, once he was released, there was no way he would wait to be charged in court and instead chose to run away, bringing Maria along with him. No one has heard of them since, but I knew they would not come back to Salinas.

As for my family, they accepted that I did not marry Maria, and decided it was best that I wait before finding another woman suitable to be my wife. I did not object, for I needed time before start thinking about marriages again. Oh no. I've had enough difficulties the first time around. I concentrated on helping my father with the ranch instead.

Time passed by and still I felt unsettled. I kept myself busy but I was missing something. There were times when I dreamt at night, and I was in another place and time, and I was happy, but when I wake up the feeling was gone and I could not understand it. There were many things I could not understand.

For instance, why I could never bring myself to say the word _querida_ again. Why I stopped in the middle of the road when I heard a drifter singing the song "Oh Susannah", my heart thumping and my head felt light, unable to push away this unexplainable feeling of sadness in my heart. Why whenever I saw a lady with green eyes, I felt a jolt of familiarity that had gone as fast as it had come, leaving me feeling happy and confused at the same time.

Why I knew that I would never find a woman who I could love with all my heart, because she does not belong in my place, my time, my life.

A few years of working in the ranch left me feeling unsatisfied. I wanted to do more than that. I wanted to help people, even though it might not bring me wealth. My father was not happy with me, especially since I have not found a woman to be as my wife yet, and now leaving the ranch. I didn't want to hurt my family, but I also didn't want to be lying at my deathbed wishing that I had done something better with my life.

So I became a priest.

My father couldn't argue with me after that, and he accepted my decision. The ranch was to be managed by my father who was helped by my brother-in-law, Santiago, who had married my sister Josephina the past summer.

I managed an orphanage home with the help of the priest who founded the place, Father Henry and a few other workers. It was not financially rewarding, but it was something that I wanted to do, and I was finally happy. Or I thought I was.

Because sometimes I couldn't help but think back to that night when Diego tried to kill me.

Something changed in me after that. I still remember the face of Paul Slater, the young man with the cold blue eyes who had saved my life. The young man who disappeared that very same night, and left the town without any traces of who he was and where he came from.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had he not saved me that night. I wonder if I would have been at the place where I dreamed at night as I sleep, where I knew that I was happy.

I guess I'll never know, but I know I'll always wonder.


	3. Paul

_Everything's wrapped up in this final chapter. This is the end. I'm not continuing this story anymore because I get too emotionally involved. Which is pretty sad if you think about it._

_As usual, some scenes are familiar but in a different point of view. This is Paul's story. From the beginning till the end. Enjoy._

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters mentioned. They belong to the awesome Meg Cabot._

* * *

"And don't forget to pass up the essay tomorrow. You can go." 

Finally. Stupid class is over. Mr. Walden is an okay teacher but what's with the freaking essays every two days? It's pointless. Especially since you won't use any of that in real life.

It doesn't matter. School is over, and now I get to my favourite part of the day. No, favourite part of the week. Shifter lessons with my favourite student, the one and only Suze Simon. Of course, she's my only student, which is even more pleasurable.

I smiled to myself, thinking about what I plan for her today. It's our third class and well, we haven't made any progress on the learning part. But the other part…

Can you blame me? I mean, look at her. She was standing at her locker with her freaky friends, Cee Cee (way too intense) and Adam (way too gay) and the wind was blowing at her hair, and she looked gorgeous. She may not know it, but she is.

I started to stroll over to her but she has started to walk to the parking lot. Interesting. I didn't realise she was so eager to _learn_. I walked faster, and fell into steps beside her.

"Can't even wait for me, huh?" I smirked, glancing at her. She looked terrified and uncomfortable, the usual expression used when I talk to her. What else is new? Besides my new Fossil watch that is.

"I can't come to class today," she blurted out, her face flushed. She looked at me, then quickly look away. I stared at her.

"But we had an agreement, Suze. Do you want to back out on that?" I said lightly. Or tried to, anyway.

She sighed. We've reached the parking lot and she started to walk faster, like she's trying to get away from me. It's amazing how that simple action can make my heart feels like it's been ripped apart. "I'm sorry, Paul, not today."

Not today. Yeah, so you can spend some more time with that stupid cowboy. I felt like saying that and see her reaction, but I didn't. Instead, this came out, "And why not?" I'd like to know what excuse she comes up with this time.

She sighed again. "I'm not feeling too well," she said, and put her hand on her forehead. That's when I became angry. I mean, blowing me off is one thing, but to not even make up at least a realistic excuse for it is too much. Like she doesn't even care.

She started to walk away from me but I grabbed her arm. I didn't care if I did it too rough or whatever. Anger makes you don't care about certain things.

"You look fine to me today, Suze. And you look fine now. Don't tell me you're resorting to making lame excuses to not having the lessons because you know what would happen if I'm unhappy." I said, trying to smile but I couldn't help glaring at her at the same time.

Damn, this close I can see the gold flecks in her green eyes and the curve of her soft lips. It almost made me feel like I should stop being mad and just be nice or gentlemanly or whatever it is that makes her so crazy about Rico Suave so that she will come with me to my place.

There was a look in her eyes for a moment and then it was gone. "I'm not making lame excuses. I really am not feeling well, like my head is gonna explode." She tried to pull her arm from my grasp.

I stared at her, feeling like shouting and laughing at the same time. First signs of being psychotic. Trust me to end up liking a girl that makes me feel psychotic. What is she trying to pull here? She knew that this was only going to be her loss. Not mine. Hers.

"Do you think I'm stupid, Suze? This is the third time you've bailed out on me and each time you said because you're not feeling well. And yet you go around claiming that you're so tough. Well, that's a whole lot of bull!" I said harshly, not even caring that I sounded furious. Because I was, and I wanted her to know.

I grasped her arm tighter, and I could see the fear in her eyes now. But it was too late.

"If you don't want to go to the lessons, fine. I'm not going to force you anymore because it's obvious that you have no desire to learn all the great things that shifters can do. But if you're gonna have it your way, I'll have it mine too. When all is done, don't say I didn't warn you."

I flung her arm away and stormed off. I've made up my mind. If she doesn't want to play nice, then I won't play nice. It's never been my style anyway.

I heard her shout behind me. "You leave Jesse alone! I swear, if you try to exorcise him again, I'm gonna…"

I laughed, but not because it was funny. No. In fact, it was ridiculous. Exorcise Jesse De Stupido? When I have a better plan? I think not.

I turned around and saw that she was standing there, looking uncertainly at me. It made me feel powerful for some reason.

"Oh no, Suze, I'm not going to exorcise him. In fact I'm not going to hurt him at all. You might even say that it would actually be what he had wanted all along."

I smiled victoriously at her and turned to walk to my car again. I wasn't lying. It was what Rico wanted. I mean, who doesn't want a second chance to live again after being dead for more than a hundred years?

-0-0-0-

I reached home and went up to my room. I wasn't in the mood to waste any time. But then I remembered something which made me groaned. No way. I haven't thought about that.

Clothes. From the 1800s. Where the hell am I gonna get that?

I sat down on my bed, thinking. Then I grabbed my car keys and went out again.

I came back half an hour later with the clothes from a costume shop. I changed into them, trying not to cringe and reminding myself that I could burn them after the whole thing is over. Well, at least it's decent, not that crap that De Stupido wears. I mean, who wears pants that tight and still admit to be a man?

What does she sees in him anyway? Is it because he's Spanish, or just because he's all nice to her that she's blinded by what's good for her. Their so-called relationship can never go anywhere. I wish Suze would just realise that and get some sense into her pretty head.

After changing, I took out some candles and chalk from my closet, setting them on the floor. Then I went to my desk and pulled the drawer, taking out a small brooch, formerly belonging to Maria de Silva. The one I took, no, _borrowed _from the Carmel-by-the-Sea Historical Society. It's not like anyone will notice.

I just needed something belonging to someone from that time in order to be able to shift back in time. After placing the candles in the required positions and drawing some symbols using the chalk, I stood in the middle and began saying some words. I've learned all the steps by heart just in case an occasion like this surface. Of course I've known the time would come. The way it was going with Suze not listening to me and going off with that ghost, I had everything planned to go my way. Mine.

After a few minutes, I felt like I was flying through the air. Just as I opened my eyes – yeah, I've closed them, but only to concentrate – I saw that I was standing in the middle of nowhere. Standing beside a dusty road with no buildings and no transportation in sight.

Dammit.

I decided to just try walking, but then I heard someone coming from around the corner. It was a carriage pulled by two horses. It slowed down when the person on it saw me and I waited for it to stop. He looked old and weathered, but was smiling. Right.

"Do you need a ride, young man?' he asked in a gruff voice. No sir, I need a blanket and some food to have a picnic here, I thought. Of course I need a ride, was this guy serious.

I resisted rolling my eyes and instead answered in a nice tone, "Yes, sir, thank you." Then I climbed up the carriage.

"Where are you heading to?" he asked, moving the carriage once again.

"Uh…just to town," I replied, hoping that he wouldn't ask for anymore questions. Like where did I come from, where's my family, why was I standing alone by the road, things like that. Luckily he didn't, and just concentrated on handling the carriage. That was moving so slow. I sighed, cursing my luck. This was going to take forever. My plan better work or I just went through all this trouble for nothing.

We arrived in town at what felt like 5 hours later. I thanked him, and was about to give him some money as payment when I realised that I didn't have any. Crap. I was hating this trip with every second that passed. But that guy didn't notice, he just smiled at me and went on his way. At least the people weren't unfriendly.

I looked around the town and almost laughed. This was almost like scenes from those Western movies. It was unreal. I walked around aimlessly, looking at all the strange shops and the equally strange people. It was around late evening, and I realised that if Rico was on his way to his wedding, he would have either arrived at the boarding house – soon to be Suze's house – or he was on his way there. Unless I see him or Felix Diego, I wouldn't have any ways of knowing when the murder will occur. That was a problem.

I walked further, and saw a small building that was set apart from the other buildings. I guessed it to be some sort of a police station. This could be useful to know later. But just as I was planning my next move, I saw him.

Felix Diego.

He was strolling along like he was just looking around, but it was apparent that he was going somewhere. And I had a good idea where. I couldn't help snickering to myself, because this was going to be easier than I thought.

I watched Felix mounted a horse and went off along the road up the hill, and waited a few moments before making my way to the police station. The sun was already setting, and I knew that the time was almost here.

I pushed the doors open and walked to the counter where a guy in a cowboy outfit was sitting. Or what looked like a cowboy outfit. Hell, everyone here looks like they're wearing cowboy outfits; I wouldn't know the difference anyhow.

He looked up as I approached. Putting on a worried face, I said, "I'd like to report a man behaving suspiciously in town. I think his name is Felix Diego. He –"

But I was cut off by the police officer. Or whatever they call themselves in that time.

"Felix Diego? Are you positive that it was him?" he said in this stern voice, and I confirmed. He asked for my name, and I was tempted to give a false one, but I didn't want to be a coward. Besides, I wanted Rico to know exactly the guy who has saved his life. Will save his life, I should say, since it hasn't happened yet. But who cares?

"Paul Slater," I said, trying not to sound too proud, even though I should be. My name would probably be on the newspapers here tomorrow for being the man who saved the only son of a wealthy couple from a distinguished family from death at the hands of a slave-runner.

Then the police-guy got up and asked me to wait there while he went to the back of the office. While I waited, I realised that I was hungry. Great. This better don't take long because I can't see myself eating at the places they have here. Who knows what they eat in these times?

Of course, the lack of money on my part wouldn't have allowed to me have a choice on the eating places anyway.

A few minutes later, a tall dark-haired man with Spanish looks walked up to me, the first police officer behind him. I tried not to smirk. Spanish looks, just like Rico. This kept getting better and better.

"Paul Slater? Detective Fabregas." We shook hands. "You reported a man behaving suspiciously who you identified as Felix Diego, am I correct?"

I nodded, trying to look fearful or worried. I couldn't really choose. I was trying hard enough not to laugh.

"Can you tell me why this caught your attention?" he asked again.

I took a deep breath and nodded again. Then I told what happened. Well, _my_ version of what happened. But it didn't matter, because with every word I said, the detective seemed to believe me even more. I don't think he would find anyone who would disagree with what I said, considering Diego's reputation. And when I finished the creative story that I made up myself and the detective started telling the other police-guy to assemble a few other police officers, I knew I had done my job. Man, was I a great actor.

Now all I needed to do was sit back and watched the rest unfold.

-0-0-0-

And that's what I did. As soon as that detective heard my believable account on Felix Diego trailing a Hector De Silva across town, he ordered a team of police officers to track Diego at the boarding house. Of course, as soon as he entered Rico's room, the police pretty much barged in and caught him in the act. To say the truth, when I saw Diego strangling DeStupid I actually wished that he would kill him.

But that wouldn't work out in the long-run. Say, about 150 years later long-run. So I just stepped back and watched the police arrest Diego. I didn't look at Rico. In a way, I wanted to go up to him and rub my victory on his face, but that would be immature. Besides, he would think I was crazy. Not that he would be completely wrong, seeing that I actually went back in time to _save_ the life of my dream girl's boyfriend, but that's beside the point. I wanted to leave a good impression here.

I planned to leave as soon as they had caught Diego, but one of the police-guy stopped me and asked me stuff about where I came from and all that. Crap. I already told that Spanish detective, but because I was making things up as he was asking, I couldn't remember what I had said to the detective. And if I were to say different things to the detective and the police-guy, it would look suspicious. Very suspicious.

It was when I was trying to remember what I had told the detective about my background information when he walked out of the room and told me that _Hector _De Silva wanted to see me. Probably to thank me for saving his life. I almost laughed then, but I was more relieved that I didn't have to answer the police-guy. So I just went into the room.

He was standing near the window, looking out. I stood at the door, and realised that the last time I stood there, I had watched them standing so close to each other that they looked as if they were going to kiss. Of course I had interrupted them and caused a big scene with the hairclip and all. But after this, it would be like it never happened.

And I liked it better that way.

He didn't realise I was standing there. So I called out, "Mr. De Silva." I almost said Jesse De Silva but caught myself in time. Fortunately.

He turned, and I fixed a smile on my face, but I felt my heart thudding fast. Hatred. I felt it, from the very core of my heart to the tips of my fingers. This was the man who took the one person I ever wanted. The person I was meant to be with. And he was not even a _man _when he did it. He was a ghost, a lesser being not fit to mingle with us humans, yet acted like he had a life, living among us.

Yet now that I saw him alive and breathing, I felt my hate for him started to slip away. The man standing in front of me was not the one who had taken everything away from me. Because this man had lived, whereas the other man did not. So technically I hated his ghost and not him. I felt my smile widen as I realised that I had just get rid of the pesky ghost that had supposedly loved Suze.

My Suze.

_Hector_ seemed to look at me strangely for a second, but then he quickly walked towards me, smiling uncertainly. "Thank you, Mr. Slater. You saved my life. I didn't realize that Diego was following me. If you haven't care enough to make a report, I would not be standing here right now." I tried not to snicker. Oh, you would still be standing here, Rico, except you wouldn't be breathing, I thought.

He held out his hand, and without even looking at it, I shook his hand. I just stared at him and said, "I don't know about you not standing here…but it was no problem at all. I was just being a good citizen." Yeah, that's me. I should be awarded the 'Good Citizen Award' of the week. Or better yet, a 'Best Actor' Award. Applause all around please.

I let go of his hand and continued smiling at him. He looked really uncomfortable. Gee, I wonder why. Could it be because me and him standing here in this room brought the term _déjà vu _to another level entirely?

But being the _good _guy that he was, he smiled – obviously forced – and said, "Well, I'm glad you were there. Thank you again. I don't know how to repay you…"

This time I swore I nearly laughed out loud. It was hilarious. But I restrained myself and just settled for a grin. "Oh no, that is quite alright. In fact I should be the one thanking you." For continuing on living in the place and time that you belong, that is.

He looked confused. Well, I wasn't making much sense. So I continued, "I'm pretty sure I will get the just rewards for my help in the capture of a dangerous criminal. And that is enough." I tried to keep the smirk off my face. Rewards? No thanks, the reward that I want won't be present until more than a century from now.

"Well." He hesitated. "I do hope they will reward you. I heard you are visiting your friend, how long are you staying here?"

I walked to the window, looking at the view of 1800s Carmel at night. My last look at the town before I leave. Without turning around, I replied, "Not long. In fact, I might be leaving tonight, since I have finished what I came here to do." Successfully, I should say. But that would be too much. I turned to look at him, and feeling a little wild, I said, "I have someone waiting for me back home." And I waited for his reaction. To see if he remembered.

But Jesse just looked at me, no recognition on his face. Suddenly, his expression changed, like he remembered something. I felt a pang of anxiety, until I realized that he must have been thinking about his marriage with that Maria. There shouldn't have been any other explanations for the worry on his face. I watched him as he stood there, staring at the floorboards and looking as if he was thinking about something.

Then to my horror, I sensed something creeping inside me. Something I wanted least at that time. That horrible feeling that made me do things that I didn't want to do just to get rid of the guilt. Looking at Jesse as he stood there, I realized that I had only wanted him to live. I didn't particularly want him to go and marry that two-faced Maria. Never approved of arranged marriages anyway.

_Damn stupid conscience_.

So I walked up to him and said truthfully, for once, "Look, I don't really know you…that well. I only know what I heard from other people and from the impressions that I get. But you seem like a nice guy, and…"

I paused, not sure what to say next without making him suspicious. Why was I even doing this? I'm not supposed to be giving advice to people who are on my elimination list. But whatever. Finish what I started was enough.

"I would think that you should be with a woman you love. I don't know if you will find her in this time…but I guess you deserve to be happy. I mean, you are stuck in this situation and I don't imagine that being nice at all. Why not find a way out?"

I might as well be speaking French for all the nonsense that came out of my mouth. He just stared at me, looking torn between incredulity and wonder. Maybe the part about being with 'a woman you love' was a bit too much. Now he definitely knew that I was talking about Maria.

"I…" he stammered, still staring at me.

Hey, I've never seen him this uncertain before, I thought, feeling triumphant. Usually he's all smug to me, since he got the girl and all. Not anymore. I smiled and shook my head, thinking that it didn't matter. When I got back to my time, none of this matters. I probably won't even remember any of this.

So I said, "It doesn't matter. I must have confused you. I should get going if I'm planning to leave soon." I walked to the door, and said, "Just think about what I said."

I turned to look at him for the last time, knowing that I had won. I smiled, and said the one word that would most likely caused him to remember me in the coming days even after I had left, because it was a word somebody like me shouldn't have known. A stranger like me.

"Jesse."

Then I left.

-0-0-0-

I hitched a ride back to the middle of nowhere and shifted back to my time. It was night time. Funny how time changed just the same in this time as it did in the past. But I had no time to think about that because as soon as I arrived back in my room and congratulated myself on a job well done, I passed out on the bed.

I woke up the next day feeling like I had a hangover. Not that I would know how that feels like, of course…but suffice to say that the pain in my head was about ten times worst than a post-shifting headache. I couldn't even lift my head up. So I just lay there, thinking of things that I plan to do that day. And then I realized something.

I remembered Jesse. I remembered what happened the day before – the trip to the past, the detective arresting Diego, the conversation. How is that possible? It didn't make any sense.

Soon I found out nothing made sense. Like the head-splitting headache that I couldn't get rid of even with the strongest painkillers, the vomiting I went through after eating any food, the nauseating taste in my mouth or the fact that I could barely walk. It was turning into a sucky, rainy day. And it was about to get worse.

"Paul," Mark, Grandpa's nurse called me. I didn't answer. I was lying on my bed pretending to sleep.

"Paul, someone's here to see you," said Mark again. I groaned, and replied in a hoarse voice, "Tell whoever it is that I'm sleeping." I was not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Silence. Then some noise and my bedroom door banged open, causing me to sit up, startled. Suze marched up to me. She was soaking wet, as if she just ran in the rain outside. Not that Suze wouldn't do such a thing. She has, in the past, shown incredible determination to run under the hot sun from guys who attempted to kiss her.

"What did you do to him?" She shouted. I winced, her voice echoing in my painful head.

"To who?" I said slowly, trying to focus at her face. As I was seeing two Suzes, I was not succeeding.

She looked like she was going to explode. She walked nearer to the bed I was sitting on and hissed, "Don't play games with me, _Paul._ You know who I'm talking about. What did you do to him?"

I stared at her and then cheesily, felt a light bulb switched on in my head. Oh, _him._

Wait a _freaking_ second. How come Suze remembers him? She's not supposed to remember him! She's supposed to wake up with no memory of him whatsoever and fall in love with me instead. Something is very wrong here.

I decided to follow on my plan, by pretending that I didn't remember. So I said, "Suze, I don't know what you're talking about. Or who are you talking about."

"Jesse!" She practically shouted again, looking exasperated. "I woke up this morning and no one remembers him. But you must remember him. You were probably the one who sent him away! Did you?"

Putting on an innocent face, I shrugged. "I don't know anyone named Jesse, Suze. And sending him away…why would I do that?"

She glared at me. "Because you hated him. Because you would do anything to win. Because you would do anything to keep us apart."

Right on, Suze. "Was he your boyfriend or something?"

Now she looked like she was going to cry. I hate to say this, but it kinda had an effect on me. Must have been those painkillers.

"Yes, he was my boyfriend. Paul, if you did something to him, please tell me. I need to know. Did you exorcise him? But that doesn't explain the reason why everyone forgets him." She was speaking to herself, pacing around the room. She looked so miserable, and I started to feel angry.

She was not supposed to be miserable. She was supposed to be _happy_. With me. None of this made any sense. If she was right that everyone else had forgotten Jesse, how come both of us remembered him?

I have to stop thinking. It makes me nauseated.

Slowly, I got off the bed and walked to Suze. It was not my intention to walk slowly. I just had to because my head felt like it was going to drop off.

"Look, Suze, maybe this is how it's meant to be. Maybe your Jesse had to move on and you and I are meant to be together."

She slowly turned to look at me. It was scary. Reminded me of that girl from _The Exorcist_.

"Move on? I thought you don't remember Jesse? So how can you know that he can move on? That he is a ghost?" She snapped.

Oh, right. Slip of the tongue. Well, guess the secret's out. No point in faking anymore.

I sighed. "I remember Jesse. Not that I want to, but I do. What I want to know is how can _you_ remember him?"

Suze looked confused and angry at the same time. "What do you mean how can I remember him? Of course I do. Why shouldn't I be?"

"Because you're not supposed to have any memory of him, Suze. When I went back in time all the events that happen in this time are supposed to vanish. Did not happen. Like you and him. You're not supposed to remember because they didn't happen." I said nastily.

"You went back in time? To do what?" Now she sounded afraid.

Despite my nausea and ridiculous headache, I felt a sense of triumph and power over her. After all, I have done something she never saw coming.

"To prevent Jesse's death, of course."

Suze stared at me for the longest time, like she was frozen by this piece of information. Then she seemed lost, looking around yet not really focusing on anything. I watched as her face went through all kinds of expressions. Disbelief, shock, denial, sadness, hurt. Then she glanced up to me and I saw anger.

"You son of a bitch!" She swore, striding over to me. I tensed, thinking she was going to hit my face, but she decided to spare my already-broken-twice nose.

She punched my stomach instead.

The pain was a shock. I honestly thought that her punches weren't going to hurt me, that I was stronger than that. But man, it hurts like _hell_. Especially since she kept punching me non-stop. And I couldn't even fight back because my head was in so much pain and the punches she gave me just made me want to throw up.

There should be a new saying - hell has no fury like a woman angered. Especially one who had just lost her ghost-boyfriend.

I fell back to the floor, holding my stomach. Suze leaned over me, but then she stopped punching. She just stared at me, breathing hard. I stared back at her, trying to ignore the unbearable pain all over my body. Somehow I managed to wheeze out, "I did what's best for both of you. He would have wanted a normal life rather than being a ghost forever. And you…you could be with someone alive."

She stood over me, looking at me with angry eyes. But I think there was sadness in them too. And pity. Though I had no idea why.

"You have no clue, do you, Paul? You think you know everything about everyone. Well, guess what? You don't. And if this is how you're going to spend your life, trying to get in everyone's way, messing up with people's lives, well, I think that's just sad. Because you're not living your own. You're living through others. Through everyone else's pain and suffering that you caused." She shook her head.

What the hell is she talking about? Is she going to try to talk me into getting Jesse back? Because hell no, I'm not going to go through all that again. I said this to Suze.

She just stared at me. "It's all going to come around, Paul. One day you'll realize it." Then she walked out of my room.

I slumped back on the floor. Great. All my hard work, and what did I get? A nausea, a headache, a few punches to the stomach and a psychobabble by the one girl I did all that for who right now is going to hate me forever because my brilliant plan didn't work.

Maybe Jesse has better luck with his new life. Because I can tell you now, that mine is going to suck from now on.

-0-0-0-

And I was right. After that eventful day, everything pretty much went downhill.

The headaches and nausea that I got after the back-in-time trip? Never went away. No matter how many painkillers and pills and all kinds of crap I took, it was still inside me, so much that I felt as if I was slowly, painfully dying.

It got so bad that I couldn't do much anything, and Mark the nurse who noticed my condition was adamant that I seek treatment with the help of my parents in Seattle. At first I laughed it off. Since when have my parents ever done anything in my favor? All they ever thought me was how to serve better in tennis or swing better in golf or all other things that meant nothing in this world.

Ever since I left for Carmel and Jack went to boarding school, they pretty much had their lives back. A life on their own, without the hassle of having kids. That's all they want. They never said it, but I knew it. I always have.

Yet the other option of staying in Carmel weren't exactly peachy either. Suze has ignored my existence after she found out about Jesse, and the fact that she couldn't go back and get him because she would have ended up sick like me. And oh yeah, the reason why only me and her can remember Rico? Because we're practiced shifters. All mediators can be shifters if they try, but Father Dominic and Jack, the only other mediators we know never tried to shift. Not that they knew how. The only reason Suze knew how to was because I taught her. Did she show any gratitude? Zero.

And if you're wondering how we know all these stuff about shifters and time-travel junk, it was courtesy of Grandpa Slater. Or should I say Slaski. He didn't seem so senile once Suze got him talking. Pretending. That's what he's been doing all these years.

But that doesn't disregard the fact that he was sick. Supposedly caused by all those times he shifted in his past. And he's saying the same thing has happened to me.

No way. No way in hell am I going to end up like him. It's temporary. The pain, the sick feeling in my stomach is all temporary. I'm going to beat this. No way am I succumbing to this torture without living my life just yet.

-0-0-0-

Two years. It's been two years of living in hell on earth.

For the first time in my life, I'm admitting that I was wrong. The pain never goes away. I don't think it will. It has become a part of me, a growth inside that is constantly reminding me of how painful it can be.

No amount of medicines, research and money spent can explain this. To their credits, my parents tried their best to find a cure for me, but how can you cure something you don't even know?

I was back in Carmel. I had made my decision. All of these would never have happened if not for one person that started it. And I'm going to end it all.

I waited until she finished her work at the orphanage home or whatever the place was. I couldn't believe that she had turned into some kind of goody-two-shoes after graduating high school. Not that she wasn't _good_ back then, what's with all the mediating ghosts and all. But this is worse. Instead of working in hotels and resorts like she used to do, during summer break from her college in New York, she would return to Carmel and do all these social work.

So different than the girl I used to know.

I watched as she walked out the building and to her car in the parking lot. Then I got out of my car, and followed her.

She was about five feet away from the car when she slowed, and turned around. Shock was written all over her face.

"Paul." She stared at me in disbelief.

"Suze." I nodded at her, trying to put on the smirk that was my trademark but forgetting how to. It's been a long time since I smirked at anyone. "Miss me?"

"Uh…" She stammered, then looked around her. Probably looking if there's anyone to save her from this psycho. But it was around 8 at night, and being a little away from town, the place was deserted. Anyone else who were there were inside the other buildings. There weren't even that many cars still parked in the lot.

"What do you want, Paul?" Now there was steel in her voice. But it was strained.

I looked at her, contemplating what to say. "Been doing charity work, Suze? Isn't it enough handling those sorry cases for the ghosts that you always rank so high?"

Suze's eyes flashed. "This _charity_ work is my choice. Those ghosts who needed help, I don't have any choice other than help them move on."

Laughter. It felt so good to laugh. I couldn't even remember the last time I laughed. "Suze, Suze, Suze. You always have a choice. But you turned your back on every better option. And look where it has lead you to. When you could have had all the power in the world."

Now it was her turn to laugh, bitterly. "And become just like you? No thanks. I rather like my life the way it is. Of course it could have been better had some people not mess with it, but I've accepted everything. You can't make me feel guilty or angry or regret. Because I don't feel them anymore. In fact, I feel nothing," she snapped, turning to walk to her car again.

I started to call after her, but a sudden pain shot up my head. I stopped and held my head with my hands. It usually goes away after a few seconds. But there's no telling when will it return.

That's when I remembered what I came here for. Not to make petty conversations and resorting to lame insults. Not at all.

I straightened up, the pain gone. Suze was staring at me, her hand on her car door. She tried to look indifferent but there was concern in her eyes. And as I stared back into her brilliant green eyes, I saw everything that she has felt since I sent Jesse away. It almost knocked me back. The hurt, the grief, the anguish, were all still there. She can make all the excuses in the world, but she still feels them.

My pain may have been physical, but hers was emotional. It doesn't take a scientist to know which one hurts more.

One bullet. That's all it was going to take.

We stared at each other for the longest time. I think there were many things left unsaid, but it didn't matter. All I wanted was forgiveness. I think that's what I've been wanting since the day I went back to save Jesse. Only I never admitted it.

Did I love Suze? I think I did. Or I wouldn't have gone through everything just for her.

Yet I couldn't help but think that whatever I did or might have done wouldn't have made her happy. Not because I did the wrong thing, but because, ultimately, I was the wrong guy. And now she's going to live an unhappy life, pretending that all was alright when nothing actually was.

One bullet.

"I'm sorry Suze." I found myself saying, feeling the weight lifted off my shoulders. "For everything. Everything I've said, everything I've done. You don't deserve any of it. I was too stupid to know."

Suze just stared at me as if I've just lost my mind. In a way, I already have.

"Forgive me?"

She took a deep breath, glancing around her. Then she fixed her beautiful, sad eyes on me, and she nodded.

That was all I needed. Now it ends.

I took out the gun from the inside pocket of my coat. Suze gasped, staring at it, eyes wide with fear. Then she looked at me, terrified.

"What are you doing?" she barely whispered, a tremble in her voice.

I tested the weight of the gun, then slowly lifted my gaze to her. "What I should have done a long time ago."

"Goodbye, Suze."

Her frightened stare turned to horror as she finally realized what I was about to do.

"Paul, no!" she screamed and lunged at me, but it was a second too late.

_Goodbye, world. It's been one hell of a ride._

I pointed the gun to my temple and pulled the trigger.

* * *

_End of Memory._

* * *

_It's over. It's done. Now I can get on with my life._

_Love it? Hate it? No feelings about it? Feel free to tell me. I welcome any compliments, comments, complains and criticisms. Thanks for reading!_


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